The Fifth Amendment

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The Closing Argument

Chief Justice, Senators, folks of all sorts
Its great to be here in this kangaroo court

I thought I’d bounce in, now that you’re nearly through
I would have come sooner, but had things to do.

I’m sorry I couldn’t have stayed all along
To show all of the ways that you’ve got me so wrong.

Tell you my story, explain, contradict
Every smidgeon of evidence used to convict

But your rules wouldn’t let me show my side of things
How the work we all do comes with one or two strings

Tell the Illinois folk how some wee quid pro quo
Helps to make our political gardens all grow

Who among us has not heard a lobbyist’s plea
And wondered out loud “hey, what’s in it for me?”

Seen some new legislation, heard a bright new idea?
Without speaking our motto: “ubi est mia”

Yes, my judges and Senators, consider my case
And as you do, think of your own smiling face

Cause’ if I’d done all those things that you say
Well then, who’s got the goods that could put you away?

As Seen on TV

Good Morning America!
How do you do?
It’s great to see all of you
Here on The View

I have so much to say
And a story to tell
A brand new perspective
Perhaps I can sell

Who here reminds you
Of history’s great martyrs?
Cmon, need a hint?
Well, try me out, for starters

They’ll yank me from office
And lock me up tight
My thanks for devoting
My life to your plight

I fought for your freedom,
A selfless, good fella
You’ve seen nothing like it
Since Nelson Mandela

Like Dr. King, Ghandi
And all of those guys
I give, ‘cause I must
Seeking justice, my prize

And those who attack me,
With wicked zeitgeist
Would no doubt do likewise
To good Jesus Christ

I can’t overstate it,
The stakes we face here
The civilized life we
Once knew, Disappeared!

My friends, I’m afraid
you can see where we’re headen
A fate worse than death
A complete Armageddon

But you can do your part
To keep hope alive
For just two easy payments
Of $9.95

Give to Friends of Blagojevich
Please, friends, dig deep.
Cause these lawyers and PR guys,
They don’t come cheap

Yes, we must stick together
Keep evil at bay
Fight for justice and truth,
And The Chicago Way

The Lonely Cowboy

On the great western plains of Illinois
Rides a man, alone. A sad cowboy
By the damnest damn lies were ever contrived
He’s hunted and wanted: dead or alive.

From the streets of Laredo to Springfield’s Dome
There ain’t noplace nowhere that he can call home
So he huddles by campfires and warbles his songs
And tries not to think of the ways he’s been wronged.

Now old Sheriff Ellis and all of his pals
Assemble their posse at Senate Corral
Collecting their feathers and boiling their tar
And hangin their rope from the town’s highest bar

A shadow’s come over our Cowboy’s creased face
Since mean frontier justice took over this place
Cause after his hangin, and he’s in the dust
Ain’t no one to stop ‘em from comin at us.

MacBlago

When last the great Thane of Chicago
Saw the peach-tree woods approach
Anger stirred in old MacBlago
Bringing words of strong reproach.

“Can’t you see, this Evil Axis
Gathering against me so
Is all a plot to raise your taxes
See, we share a common foe.”

Gazing at the gathering arbor:
“How could they not understand
This tragedy is my Pearl Harbor
Your doom, too, is close at hand.”

“We face this epic fall together
My sweet folk of Illinois
Each of us a victim, ever
Man and woman, girl and boy.

As the woods came, every tree
Our old MacBlago turned in scorn
“They’re not fit to speak to me,
A man, who’s not of woman born.”

A Loss for Words

What say you to these charges?
Have you nothing to declare?
You’ve said before there’s nothing here so time to clear the air.

You’ve told us of your strength
Your courage, how you keep your head.
While everyone is losing theirs and blaming you instead.

You cannot wait to tell your side
You said so to us all.
Yet your defense remains unmounted, why, then, would you stall?

Perhaps you were misquoted
And those tapes, they aren’t legit.
But didn’t your own lawyer call your words “unfortunate?”

A lesser man, with naught to say,
Might try to pull a scam
Refuse to play their little games and call the thing a sham.

A lesser man might cause his State
To waste its time and cash
Pursuing an impeachment, air our bureaucratic trash.

Not you, a man so strong of will
Heroic heart, who will not yield.
A man whose actions more than words his true soul has revealed.

I know why the Caged Bird Sings

A free bird drinks at Rosebud on Rush
And dines like a king at Gibsons place
And has enough sense to keep his mouth shut so he can claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks down his federal pen
Dreams of flying on Rush Street again
Escaping his cage for the wonders outside so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful tweet
Of things unknown and done discrete
And his tune is heard in the Dirksen halls for the caged bird sings of the guilty

The free bird fears the caged bird’s song
Exposing things that he’s done wrong
And fears that when it’s over birds may soon be trading places.

But a caged bird cannot feel the rush
Inside the cage, his dreams are crushed
To escape his cage for the wonders outside, he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful tweet
Of things unknown and done discrete
And his tune is heard in the Dirksen halls for the caged bird sings of the guilty.